”You’re grounded from the TV for a week,” I yelled as I looked at my 6 year old 1st grade son, who stared at me like he could care less. Annoyed even more I added, “And the iPad! Until you learn how to homeschool with mommy, you are grounded from both tv and iPad!”
High five Allie! Not even the end of the first day and you let the devil troll in and rob what was suppose to be a fun, beautiful and new experience. BOOM “Christ-like” for the fail!
In my defense, it was a rough day! I was mentally exhausted by this point because when Tyson was doing great Dylan decided to wreck havoc on our learning. Then I finally get her under control and then Tyson decided to check out of the day all together. And me, being the grown adult decided to lash out at my child and quite literally had a bit of my own tantrum. Are you with me on my defense? (lol) I doubt it. Because even I sit here embarrassed as I type out these words.
Way to go mom! I can just hear him telling all his little friends now, “Eh, homeschooling would be great if mom wasn’t yelling at me all the time.”
The last words I would ever want to hear him say about his mama.
So today, I did, I let the devil win this battle. But as far as I am concerned this is a marathon war. It’s not over till I’m dead in a grave with my soul hopefully rising up with the final defeat, but that’s for a whole other blog. What I am getting at: today sucked but now its over. And really I hate to even say that it sucked because honestly, I just had a terrible attitude and a pedestal of too high expectations.
“Whats wrong with high expectations,” you may ask? I‘ll tell you what’s wrong with them: I lost my humility and grace today. Instead of realizing my poor son was forced out of school almost 3 months earlier than planned and starting a new school year with a completely new daily routine of what’s normal in our home, I expected excellence, greatness, “homeschooling with mommy is so much fun!” All Hail Mommy! Okay maybe not the all hail mommy part but you get my drift!
I got so consumed with worrying about screwing him up and missing out on teaching him something, I forgot the grace and fun that goes with learning at his age in general. Yes his attention span makes a squirrel look ready for school, but the point is he is 6 years old. 1st grade. Come on mom cut the kid some slack and grace! And be thankful how God made him exactly the way he is - there will be no one else like your little boy, and that is something right there to rejoice about! He’s as unique as a tiny individual snowflake and I don’t want to change any part of him that God, our creator, made unique about him.
And what about myself? Where’s the grace for me too? I am so consumed with failing myself like I have ever been a teacher before. GIVE SOME GRACE. And not just SOME grace. GRACE UPON GRACE!
So tomorrow, I will do better. Tomorrow I will choose not to let the devil troll into my mind. I will choose to put GOD first, and then I will choose to teach my son in a way that works for both of us. AND EVEN IF I DONT figure it out tomorrow, I will try again something different the next day, and the next day, and the next... you get where I am going here.
I CHOOSE GRACE. I CHOOSE LOVE. And I especially CHOOSE FUN.
God is with me. God called me to this. I know in the very depth of my soul that I heard the Holy Spirit’s push to go for this. I know this is what I was called to do. So in my opinion, anytime the devil jumps this fast to disrupt “my call” I tend to get motivated even more because it must be leading to something so amazing that I can’t see yet. And I may not even see 10 years from now, but if it’s God’s plan and will, by golly, if I get to see it or not, HE IS GOOD AND IT IS ALL FOR THE GOOD.
Dear Lord, my Heavenly Father, thank you for eyes that (eventually) truly could see today. Thank you so much for not abandoning me while the devil raise havoc, but allowing me to finally remove the scales from my eyes and see that You LORD are good, and YOU LORD called me to this new task. You created this path and though it will not be easy, this is the way because it is YOUR way for this season of life. Thank you Lord for loving me through this, and thank YOU LORD for creating the two most perfect little ones for me to raise, teach and love. I pray for the wisdom to raise them in your light, knowledge, grace and love. I pray for Your patience to consume me as we figure out how to navigate this new life we are being called to. In Jesus’ name, I praise You, I worship You, I love You, I thank You, and I always pray to You, amen.