So many todo’s on my list. So many photos and planning and prepping todo’s in order to run my small photography business [silvernalephotography.com]. I had plans to stay up late [again] last night. I had plans to work till 7pm tonight since I am barely getting 3 hours a day to work on my day-to-day business list. And contrary to popular belief, the photography profession is not a glamorous, work whenever you want, carefree, just a click of a button job. Least not the way I run my business! I wish I was a filter photographer. I wish sometimes I didn’t care about those little details. I wish I could turn around 300 images in less than a couple of hours because I am a lazy/filter editor. But I am not! I pride myself on that fact. I’d like to think my work speaks for itself. However, as my favorite saying always goes [even with the most mundane type of days]:
“We make plans while God laughs at us.”
Not quite sure who stated this perfect fact – but hats off to them! Nothing has described my life more accurately than that quote. God sure has been a chuckling at me for YEARS. And I cannot put more emphasis on the word YEARS. And like I said, even in the mundane – day-to-day tasks, God has been making sure I do not miss the most precious moments I will definitely regret missing one day.
I had plans to work last night. I had plans to work till 7pm to make up for not working last night. But the past 24 hours has shown me nothing more than to just go with it.
Last night, around 10:30pm, a little angel crawled into bed with me. He had no idea why he came up there, he just did. He randomly, in a half dazed zombie-like state, wanted to be with his mama. And at first, I was a little like “seriously dude? mama got work to do!” But then I chuckled to myself and embraced the moment. That precious moment that God used my own flesh and blood against me to get my butt down for bed at a reasonable time of the night.
I had been up to almost 4am for a couple nights in a row working, and then getting up at 6:30am every morning to get our son on the bus for school. So basically averaging 2-3.5 hours of sleep a night. NOT healthy. And I could feel it in my body. I felt it so much so that I was fighting sleep hard. Restless. Unable to relax and just allow myself the rest I so deeply needed.
Thankfully God knows me better than I know myself.
And then with that, I was forced to stop working earlier than planned this evening because our 1.5 year old daughter was demanding my presence as well. Which mind you, she has already made a habit of demanding my presence every night from 7-8:30-ish [if I don’t fall asleep in the crib with her]. That tiny little minion crusader we call our daughter has forced my butt to actually put on my calendar so my employees will know from 7-8:30pm I am with my family. Our daughter who was perfectly “cribbed trained” [lol, I kind of feel like that is the wrong wording, but we will go with it since I am a dog person] at 7 months, brought down all hell on our house one day demanding mommy get in the crib with her every night for a few minutes and lay down with her in that tiny crib. Yup, thats right! Our daughter, the stubborn dictator, gets me to climb into her crib with her every single night just because she wants me too, not because she has to fall asleep, or I have to soothe her with music. Nope! This little girl goes to sleep all on her own most nights after I crawl out of the crib. I don’t sing to her most nights, I don’t talk to her, I literally just lay there with her. Sometimes I hold her for awhile. Sometimes she lays on my chest and slips in and out of sleep. There truly is no magic chant or consoling I do, she just simply wants me there, next to her, in her crib, me and her. Every night, she just wants a few extra minutes with mommy, together in the dark, silent.
And you know what, I’m not even mad about it!
God has used my two little angels. My own flesh and blood against me and I actually kind of adore the fact that he loves me that much! To force me down with my love of my kids he blessed me with to actually “be still” “live in the moment” “Present Over Perfect” “get some dang rest” type of life.
If my love for my children is the only way he can get through to me in this point of my life, then I thank Him so much for truly loving me that much. To recognize that I am an imperfect servant to him for this very case, but to love me enough to still answer my prayers for a better life. That is a selfless love. That is the love I pray my children always know by him and truly see from him too. All I can say is
Thank You, Lord.
P.s. little update on my one year journey of reading the Bible cover-to-cover: I am currently on Exodus 25 and plan to update as I feel compelled to blog about it. However, I did miss blogging about the comparison between Joseph (Genesis) vs. Job. Might have to circle back to that one.