Going Rogue Here…

Updated: Jan 31

I have to ask a serious question here, not even kidding: Why couldn’t Jesus have punched Peter in the face just one time? –me

So I started this day just great. Things were great. I even have a blog post I had started, and didn’t quite get finished before my appointment, but I was on a good track today. Busy. But good. Good spirited. Even better, I didn’t find any need to take my anxiety medicine. My daughter and I went to Evansville. I got great news regarding my intern. I just simply was enjoying my day. Then I get hit with a annoying bomb regarding a hateful person.


This person is like that gnat that just keeps coming at you. They truly have no leg to stand on, but keep looking for said leg, thinking their mighty, so they just keep coming at you, and coming at you, until your human nature side shows and bout blows. However, they play victim. Constantly. I mean seriously, if I had a penny type of deal.


Anyways, you truly do try to be kind to this person. You legit stick up for them, you try to show them kindness, love, compassion and grace, but they just take you to a point where your lighting pictures on fire and making ridiculous posts about them.


And in all honesty, I’m only writing this out because I need to release the negative energy she has pushed into my life countless times. A few people have told me she is like the devil in my life that keeps trying to pull me away from being a good person. Because I am seriously trying to live my life like Jesus is walking next to me every day, and this person can bring out a type of ugly in me that I haven’t seen since my immature high school days. Which they are accused of being the mindset of a high schooler in a 40 year old body, but that’s besides the point….


The point is: WHY COULDN’T JESUS JUST HAVE PUNCHED PETER IN THE FACE?

I mean just one time? Just one quick little right hook? Like “Hey Peter” BOOM “That’s for being a douche later, but now we cool. I forgive you. Love ya bro!” (Lol, yes this is where my mindset is at right now, don’t judge me – the Benadryl is starting to kick in.) I know life would be a lot easier right now if I could let out some aggression. But that’s the human side of me…


The real reason why Jesus didn’t punch Peter in the face, or any of us (lol), is because that is not who Jesus is… He is incredible, He is forgiving, He is loving and kind, He died for our sins and for that, I can swallow my anger, and realize Jesus loves this person too. That even though this person continues to hurt me, I still need to continue to pray for this soul. I’m only hurt, truly hurt by them because I truly did love them. I truly did care and try to be there and show friendship like I swear they have never experienced (clearly). I pray for their heart and soul even though I know history tells me they will mock me if they ever see this post (insert their sarcastic impression of me on the phone) “ooo you need to forgive, ooo I’m praying for you. Be kind.” I still hear those hurtful impressions they did to me on the phone that day. I still hear every thing because it stings so bad to know I didn’t give someone one but two chances to see I was never the bad person to them.


However, didn’t Jesus say to forgive not once nor twice, but 77 times?

“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:21-22‬ ‭ESV‬‬ – https://www.bible.com/59/mat.18.21-22.esv

That he did. So that I must. (Ironic it was Peter who asked him this?) Lucky for Peter, me, and all of us, Jesus didn’t agree to just seven times. I know I am certainly grateful.


I could go on and on with this post all night and talk my way back and forth like an intense tennis match. However, it is pointless. I just needed to reflect and release to my God. Sometimes, talking it out with your best friend does more clarity then punching someone in the face (even though punching someone in the face would had been quicker, just saying… lol).


I know this person comes from a world of hurt and pain because they just want to be loved but they have no clue on how to let someone love them without thinking everyone is out to get them. It’s sad really. And like one of my good friends (who’s been personally attacked by this person I’m blogging about) said, “I feel sorry for her. To have nothing to hold on to, but all that hate and past. It’s sad really. And I feel very sorry for her.”


So if you ever read this, I know that you’ve been trying to plot against me. I know what will happen if your attempt at slandering my name succeeds in the first round. Primarily because I know my hands are as clean as clean can be in this situation, and your attack against me is stem from a type of hate and jealousy that I pray God will eventually heal for you. No one should be consumed by all this so much so that its gone to this point. I pray for you. I truly do. I pray for your heart to heal, forgive, and move on from the past. I pray for someone else to come into your life who actually is a true friend to you and can help you with life like I apparently failed to do.


This blog post is real and raw, like I always try to be. I know though, that I cannot let you consume me now and bring me down with you. I will never kick you down further on purpose, but I also will never let you slander my name. I am a child of God. I am a soldier, a warrior with an extremely caring heart and a love for grace and kindness that my heart is begging the world to find. So I must stay true to what I believe, in spite of the fire you throw my way, Grace Always Wins. I forgive you, and I’m sorry you feel it has came to this point of slandering even more. I hope you can forgive me for the words I have said toward you, and I ask God for his forgiveness too.


In Jesus’ name, I pray, I thank You, and beg You for my forgiveness, Amen.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians‬ ‭4:32‬ ‭ESV‬‬ – https://www.bible.com/59/eph.4.32.esv
“bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Colossians‬ ‭3:13‬ ‭ESV‬‬ – https://www.bible.com/59/col.3.13.esv
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© 2020 mustard seed+coffee. surviving motherhood, homeschool and running a business on faith, grace and coffee.

Located in a little small town in Southern Illinois and you can contact me at silvernale.allie@gmail.com

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