Faith Through Death

Updated: Mar 11

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:25-26

I’ve never been one to handle death very well. In all honesty, I was probably one of the worst people ever to handle death. There’s always been something about it that just terrified me, concerned me, so permanent... so heartbreaking... especially for those who are left behind. Or to think even about the one who died and how they would never get to see their family again, watch their kids grow or just simply be alive. It was completely devastating to me. Then add in my empath skills and you got just a whole mix of dread for funerals from me. The empathic ordeal is enough on its own but then add it knowing the person and the people left behind... I mean just rip my heart out of my chest with each and every funeral attended in my life.


And nothing has really been short of this with the death of Beth Beckerman this Friday, March 6, 2020. To say this death has rocked my world is an understatement. However, not in the ways one may think after reading the first paragraph.


2 Corinthians 5:8 We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

For the first time ever, I feel happy for the decease. A woman so in love with God I want to be like her in my faith, and this woman, she did it! She without a doubt in my mind is walking with Jesus right now, enjoying every bit of her new amazing life in Heaven. She did it. This might sound horrible to some, but for the ones who know what I am talking about, you get what I am trying to say even if I am saying it poorly.


And yes, there is still this ache in my heart for her husband and kids, and lets be honest, the thought of them is exactly what turns me into a blubbering fountain of tears because I can’t even wrap my head around that kind of pain of losing a mother or my husband... but now she has front row seats to their lives...


I don‘t know. I know I mean this post with so much respect because my heart for Beth burst with love 50x over. But like Beth has always said, “He is GOOD! He is SO SO GOOD!” I smile at the memory of her voice and hearing her voice say those words so proudly. The memory of her voice praying before our church pronouncing her faith for all to hear. The kind of hugs that made you feel like you were the only person in the whole wide world in that moment she hugged you. The kind of mother, wife, lover of Jesus... I can only pray I become at least half the woman she is...was.. one day.


I think the most incredible (and I use this word lightly, in what I hope does not come off offending) thing about witnessing a death like Beth Beckerman‘s is having a bizarre peace with the death that I have never felt before. The kind of peace that knows she is in the absolute best place ever. That I know she is incredibly happy and time will pass like it’s no time by the time the rest of her family joins her in Heaven. My selfish side is heartbroken, but then the side that knows her love for Jesus... I mean seriously that in itself almost makes me cry too, but a happy for her type of tears...


But also... her death lets me see how much I have truly grown in my faith in God and Heaven. To know without a doubt that she IS in a better place, though the selfish side wants to keep her here for my beautiful best friend and her siblings who just lost their mother and for their amazing father who does so much it gets unnoticed by so many (but not me) who lost his partner, best friend his wife of many years... THAT part of me wants this to be a horrible bad dream. However, with Beth.. saying this is a bad dream seems wrong because of her deep love for Jesus. She was a woman after God’s heart, and I think she knew when she made the decision to stay in Heaven, that her kids were solid and she laid the right foundation for them to be able to survive without her physically here with them anymore.


Terry, Brittany, Trey and Cara are a true inspiration to me for just showing up to church today. When I am sure they didn’t want to see everyone just yet, but they came anyway in honor of their wife/mother who wouldn’t want to have missed praising the Lord because he IS SO GOOD!


Her kids are Beth’s legacy. She will live on through them that I know without a doubt in my mind. Because Terry and Beth raised them, and they are both truly amazing individuals, and I am just truly honored to know them all.


My prayers are with the Beckerman Family during this difficult time.

Continuous prayers for peace and healing.


My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. -Psalm 73:26







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© 2020 mustard seed+coffee. surviving motherhood, homeschool and running a business on faith, grace and coffee.

Located in a little small town in Southern Illinois and you can contact me at silvernale.allie@gmail.com

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